What is Love???

I recently had to ponder what REAL Love was and whether it TRULY existed between me and Vicki!  What triggered this was a short break-up between me and Vicki, my fiance and future wife!  She *IS* the world to me!  MOST people can't see that or DON'T believe it... BUT that's OK.... they are NOT me and they are NOT in charge of my life!  I MUST do what I think is best for me!  I feel they are NOT looking at it from the right point of view!  I think they are looking at it from a worldly point of view which is usually flawed!

Anyways, very soon after she left me, I started to change everything about me because I KNEW that the circumstances I was living under was affecting our relationship!  I HAD to go back to work.  I HAD to become a MAN again.  I HAD to re-dedicate myself to God and God's Will.  I HAVE to get married.  I HAVE to be a GOOD mate.

I have been praying about our relationship for quite some time now and I believe that, because of God, He has brought us back together again and closer than EVER before!  I KNOW we have lived in sin before but we are going to fix that finally!  They say that most relationships like this DON'T work out BUT I have faith and praying to God that it WILL work out!  I feel that I CAN'T let her go or that I CAN'T live without her in my life!

As I said, I examined my Love from the Bible's point of view - I Corinthians 13.  That really puts light on what Love REALLY should be like!  Here's an excerpt of it...

- Love is patient.
- Love is kind.
- Love is not jealous.
- Love is not boastful.
- Love is not proud.
- Love is not rude.
- Love does not demand its own way.
- Love is not irritable.
- Love keeps NO record of when it has been wronged.
- Love is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
- Love never gives up.
- Love never loses faith.
- Love is always hopeful.
- Love endures through EVERY circumstance.
- Love will last forever!

There are three things that will endure -- Faith, Hope, and Love -- BUT the greatest of these is Love!

Based on this, I have determined that the Love I have for Vicki is REAL!  I told her to read it too and she since has and it has changed her heart too!  She NOW has a BETTER understanding of what Love is and she has re-dedicated herself to God and has promised to be committed to me forevermore according to the laws of marriage!  Knowing ALL this, I feel we have a BETTER chance this time around!  MOST people DON'T or won't understand it, BUT, again, I MUST do what I feel is right for me!  Had she NOT understood what REAL Love was or had re-dedicated herself back to God or understood what marriage really meant, then I knew there would NOT be a chance for us, BUT I feel she NOW DOES have a better understanding of what TRUE and REAL Love is!

Please continue to pray for us, though!  I KNOW it's NOT going to be easy and we BOTH need to continue to work on ourselves as well as on the relationship in order for it to grow and be successful!  I DON'T WANT to EVER have to get a divorce!  In MOST circumstances, it goes AGAINST God's Word!  There are WAYYYYY TOO MANY divorces that goes AGAINST what God says and that it is SAD and it's ruining our nation and goes against God's principles and laws!  I DON'T want to be a part of this alarming trend!!!

Addendum:  There is different kinds of Love but I am not going to get into full detail here.  If you want to know, you can always Google it yourself!   Anyways, there are other types of Love that is necessary for a successful relationship depending on the type of the relationship.  The Love described in I Corinthians 13 (which is called Agape) is more of a brotherly Love that God commands us to have for one another... even our enemies!  I believe this Love, though, is the basis of ANY kind of relationship... without it, your relationships WON'T last!  There are different aspects of Love too.  For instance, Gary Chapman has broken it down into what he calls the 'Five Love Languages'.  You REALLY should read this!  You can find it at his site... www.fivelovelanguages.com.  It HELPS to know what your mate NEEDS out of the relationship and you can find out through these languages.

NO matter what kind of relationship you have, I KNOW that you MUST have the foundation of REAL Love or the relationship WON'T last!  Again, you can find out what you need for this foundation in I Corinthians 13.  Take time to read it and analyze your relationships against this and you might be surprised to find out what relationships are real and which ones are NOT!  It probably WILL help you in building better relationships or working on the ones you already have!  If your relationships DOESN'T pass the test in I Corinthians 13, then you NEED to work on them or get rid of them!  I DON'T recommend the latter since that goes against what God is saying here, but some relationships might NOT work out if the other person is NOT open to this and so you are going to have a HARD time in these kinds of relationships!  BUT God is CLEAR on the kind of Love we NEED to have for one another and we MUST obey His Word!

Take Care and May God Bless your relationships... whether it's a friend, close friend, a family member, a boyfriend/girlfriend or your husband/wife!

Back To Work I Go!!!

It's been awhile since my last entry!  ALOT has changed, especially in the last month, so it's time for an update!  Here's one entry which I should have entered a couple weeks ago, but here it is anyways...

First of all, I am indebted to my sister, Sharon, for helping me out and giving me a car which I would NEED for going to work!  She came out here and spent ALOT of money to get the car and to license it and pay some fines off which I had against my license and get my license re-instated!  If it wasn't for her, I would NOT be able to work where I am working NOW because I could NOT take the bus there because it would take FOREVER to get there and back home, especially if I am working 8 hour days!  It would take 2 - 2 1/2 hours just one way!  I am working part-time (25 hrs/wk) but it probably will be full-time sometime soon.

Well, after 3 years of NOT working, I recently was, sort of, forced back to work due to some surrounding circumstances NOT knowing if I could handle working again due to some health problems!  Also, the outcome of my case, which I had been pursuing for almost 3 years, looks VERY bleak!  It's HARD to find a job... NEARLY impossible because I have NO recent experiences and/or references!  Even temporary services DIDN'T want to employ me unless I had 2 recent references but because of the time and lost contacts, this is HARD for me to come by!!!

On one day that I had to go out to Mesa, I had the urge to go back and check out one place that I had previously checked a few years ago, before I had quit working, which was in Tempe.  So on the way back, I stopped there and saw a friend which I knew there and he was a supervisor there and he told me they had tried to reach me a couple times before but my phone was disconnected.  This was VERY encouraging to me and he had me fill out an application and then he immediately took me to the vice-president and she gave me a short interview right there!  She told me that they would call me and tell me when my interview would be with the supervisor because he was out sick that day.  Now this is where my memory gets a little fuzzy... LOL  OLD age does that... you know!!!  Anyways, they called me and told me when my interview would be.  Then they called me a day or 2 before and told me they have to re-schedule it because the supervisor was still out sick.  Well, they called again and said they had to re-schedule again!  I was starting to get WORRIED about it!  I was, in the meantime, working on a temp job but they let me go for some reason which they were NOT honest about!  Oh well, I DON'T think I could have maintained that job anyways!  I REALLY wanted the other job instead!

Well, I FINALLY got an interview BUT the supervisor was STILL out sick so they had a manager from another area related closely to the area I was going to be working do the interview with me.  He was VERY pleased to see the experience I had and said I was WELL qualified for the position!  That, again, was VERY promising to me and also gave me SOME leverage to negotiate my salary too!  So he had asked me what my desired salary was and what my minimum salary I would accept and I didn't want to tell him but he said he had to have it so I told him, BUT I was kinda afraid because I wasn't really sure what their minimum was for that position and I was afraid that they might not even consider me if I went too high.

However, he said I might still have to come in for an interview, again, with the hiring supervisor, still!  He said if they could NOT get me in real soon for the interview, they were going to go ahead and pass it on to their headquarters in New York for the final approval.  Well, of course, I BUGGED them... which might have helped me!  My interview was on a Friday and so I called them FIRST thing on Monday morning but had to leave a message.  Then I called again on Wednesday and they said they were VERY interested and they went ahead and passed it on to New York for the approval which takes about a week so they MUST have turned it in shortly after I had called them on Monday!  Well, I SURE was on pins and needles then, because I pretty much KNEW I had the job when they said they passed it on to NY!  Then I FINALLY got the call on the following Monday and was offered the position and then I asked what my salary was going to be and they gave me the median between my desired and minimum which pleased me and so I accepted!  They said I could come in on Wednesday for my orientation.

However, this WHOLE process took NEARLY a WHOLE month and so during this WHOLE time, I was mixed between knowing that I had a good chance to get this job and feeling like I might not get the job!  Normally, in MOST cases, you would KNOW within a week or two at the most!  So, you could see why that I had SOME doubts about it during this time!

Anyways, as I mentioned, it's only part-time right now (5 hrs/day - 8 hrs/day for the first week of the month), BUT that is good!  It will help me to get back into the swing of working again and be easier on me due to my back.  However, it probably will be full-time in the near future... hopefully!  Until then, I WON'T have benefits!  So pray that this will change SOON!  I am working with Xerox printers which print out statements for various clients (such as state, cities, government and corporations) which are then inserted and mailed to customers of the clients.  I have ALOT of experience with these printers and inserters too and I think they are really pleased about that and I have really caught on to the job really quick too!  I am nearly on my own now!  So it's working out QUITE well... however, I have to be on my feet ALL day which is kinda hard on my back!  So pray that God will give me the strength I NEED to do my job!  I am hoping to stay with this job for a little while... if I can!

I HAVE to thank God for answering my prayers and for getting me this job which really looks VERY promising for a few years to come or until I can get into a job that is more suited for me and that I will be really happy with!

I am SURE God had ALL this planned out and it just ALL fell right into place just like a jigsaw puzzle and it fell into place at just the right times so I KNOW it's NOT a coincidence or an accident... it HAD to be God's answers to my prayers!  Praying DOES work!!!

Not much to report right now...

My health is still about the same... suffering from ALOT of headaches... almost daily!  Some days worse than others! 

I will probably be moving soon... into an apartment.  I hate to do that again BUT I don't have much choice at the moment because I am still awaiting the outcome of my case!  It may take another 6 months or longer! 

I wished I had better news!

Well, that's it for now...

My Christmas List?

Well, I like material things... BUT other things are MORE important in my life right now!  SURE, I would like certain things but I NEED things that will make a lasting difference in my life, such as...

* FAMILY - I hope that my family will stay together or pull themselves back together and keep the family going!  I am missing the big family holiday get-togethers right now and I hope they will come back next year!  We had NONE this year and I hope that next year WON'T be a repeat!!!

* FINANCES - I am not asking or wanting much but I need enough to get by and not have to be worrying everyday as to how I will manage what I need to!  I just hope that over the next year that I will get something one way or another that will meet or exceed my financial needs so that I don't have to worry constantly!

* HEALTH - My health is not the greatest right now and I am working to try to get to the bottom of some of my problems but I am working with the public health system and so it's slow and a pain in the butt sometimes!  I just hope that over the next year or so that I can get what I need to improve my health and have a better quality of life than what I have right now!  I can barely function on some days and most of the time one thing or another is bothering me causing me not to really enjoy my life right now!  It's really the pits and I just want to be able to get back on better grounds to where I can enjoy my life again!

* LOVE - Well, I have a girlfriend/fiance!  So, I am doing OK in this area... however, we have had some problems or are still going through some problems right now.  I hope that we will be able to work through the problems and hope that we can get our relationship on better grounds soon!  Please be praying for our relationship!  I really care about her but I am still concerned about some things in our relationship which can cause or be a problem!  I am engaged to her and want to get married to her but if these things are still in the way... then I am not sure it will work out!

Well, that's all I can think of at the moment!  You know, material things are nice, BUT sometimes there are MORE important things in life and I feel that these WILL make a big difference in my life if I could just have these back... a family, good income, good health and good mate!  If you can send me one of these, I will gladly appreciate it! 

Holidays are fun... but when you are missing family members, they can be sad times too!

We must remember, though, that even though one or more of our family members are missing that they are still with us in spirit and we should enjoy the family and friends we DO have left in our lives and NOT let it just become a sad time and break the family up from getting together, etc, because certain traditions may be missing now due to a loss of a family member or we may feel too sad to celebrate it!

I know because I lost one of the most important family member from my family in 2001... my mother!!!  It's really HARD to get together now at Thanksgiving or Christmas without missing her and the things she did on those occassions!  She was a really good cook and she cooked ALOT of food... enough to feed an army!  She enjoyed it and she enjoyed to see the family and friends eat her food and get compliments for it... the more the merrier!!!  It's HARD now to get together on these occassions because they are just not the same anymore with her not being around anymore!

Even though she's gone, I still need to get together, if I can, with the family I do have left!  Unfortunately, my sisters are in other states now than I am (one in CA and one in NM) and they have their problems which prevents them from getting together.  So I had to spend Thanksgiving with my friend instead and looks like Christmas will be the same too.  I am a little bit saddened by this, but I understand that you can't always get together on these or other occassions.  However, I feel strongly, though, that you SHOULD be with your family on at least one of these occassions every year because you probably won't get to see them any other time of the year!  Well, doesn't look like it will happen this year!

I just hope that my family will pull back together, though, and make an effort to be together for at least one holiday a year and I feel that Christmas is the most important because it's Christ's birth and we should be together to celebrate His birthday and give Him thanks for His blessing our lives and our family and hopefully He'll bless us even more for being together to celebrate His birthday and because family relationships are important not to ignore them and to brush it off!!!

I am just so heavy hearted tonight that I am actually thinking of another family and their mother passing away... more than my own mother?  I think it was around this time of the year?  I am just so sad about that and it's weighing so heavy on my heart tonight - for some reason?  Unfortunately, I have NO idea where the family is now or how they are doing.  I DON'T even know why they are so much on my mind tonight?  They were only neighbors that I knew for a few years but I felt I was pretty close to them, just as if I was a part of their family until I moved and my mother moved in with one of my sisters!  Well, maybe, it's because I feel like I was part of their family and maybe I am missing their mother too, like they are, along with my mother too and so it saddens me to see a family missing someone so important in their life like I am!!!

I wonder why that I even am so attached to this family?  One of the grandkids who was very young at the time (2 or less?) was really attached to me!  Doubt he would remember me now, though!  They were only neighbors but yet they have been a part of my life for a few years that now I really miss them!  I wonder if they even miss me???  Hopefully, they might see this, but I doubt it!

Well, at least I am getting this off my chest... I hope?